Today was a day
May. 11th, 2012 09:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatEverything was fine, but I feel like I failed to get things done in time that I wanted to do. Also I have issues with remembering to look and see when people need things by instead of OMG ALL NOW! Also only having a half day of sign making before a holiday weekend...blows. just flat out. The really nice lady who runs floral noticed that my cheeks had gotten all red because I was all stressed out, hungry and trying not to cry. The cry was kind of abstract, it was one of those days where carpet lint would make me get all weepy.
also I have a minimalist style when it comes to design and creating things. I work for a grocery though...so I need to have colors and to make everything a little bit cheesy. I need to go work for a german grocer or something. I feel like I make some of the people disappointed when they see what I've made and it isn't full of eye popping pizzaz, and instead has straightforward informative uh...style? I don't know. I am disappointed for them or something. Hardly anyone goes "wow love your clean lines!".
When it comes down to it I am all about line and things. I understand colors, infact I see color first. When I was in school we were told that the first thing people see is the shape of something. I thought that was wrong because I see the color of things, I have been wrong about what shape something was, but not the color.
I just keep feeling like there is something I should be doing. for me. that is art. But when I sit down and tell myself to go and make anything. I don't want to. I feel afraid? or as though someone will jump out and tell me that _blank_. I don't even know what they would say.
From stress though I did cry on the way home, and then I would stop and then I would think of something else or see something else and I would set myself off again. Like the guy on the motorcycle. I thought about how awesome it would be to, I guess its trust, someone enough to hug them and just kind of enjoy it. Instead of feeling awkward. I had no idea what the guy on the bike looked like (because he was smartly wearing a helmet) and I don't really care, could have been some weird old dude.
Maybe I'm just tired of worrying about doing something wrong. I'm always worried that I'll act wrongly, or that I have. I can turn it off, but suddenly it will pop up again. "Oh that was weird, I'm sorry" Or that I'm sorry for being me and I'll do my best to stop wrecking the whole world. How do you even begin to unravel the feeling that you're ruining everyone else's experience?
this could have all been a rant on how carpet lint is just so beautiful and amazing and have you ever really looked at it *cry*...so yeah I am going to blame the sodas I had still, because I feel things have been fairly even for me lately. Its like a delayed hellish reaction or something.
thank goodness my boss is back tomorrow and can point out things that I could have waited to do until after mother's day. no one seems to realize I don't know what I'm doing because I learn pretty fast, but some things just need experience. also I don't like being stressed, if I wasn't majorly against drinking...I would probably be dead from trying to drown stress with alcohol. instead I'll go and see if spiders will fall on my head or two creeper things will find me one after another right next to my house. stupid bomb cactus.
also I have a minimalist style when it comes to design and creating things. I work for a grocery though...so I need to have colors and to make everything a little bit cheesy. I need to go work for a german grocer or something. I feel like I make some of the people disappointed when they see what I've made and it isn't full of eye popping pizzaz, and instead has straightforward informative uh...style? I don't know. I am disappointed for them or something. Hardly anyone goes "wow love your clean lines!".
When it comes down to it I am all about line and things. I understand colors, infact I see color first. When I was in school we were told that the first thing people see is the shape of something. I thought that was wrong because I see the color of things, I have been wrong about what shape something was, but not the color.
I just keep feeling like there is something I should be doing. for me. that is art. But when I sit down and tell myself to go and make anything. I don't want to. I feel afraid? or as though someone will jump out and tell me that _blank_. I don't even know what they would say.
From stress though I did cry on the way home, and then I would stop and then I would think of something else or see something else and I would set myself off again. Like the guy on the motorcycle. I thought about how awesome it would be to, I guess its trust, someone enough to hug them and just kind of enjoy it. Instead of feeling awkward. I had no idea what the guy on the bike looked like (because he was smartly wearing a helmet) and I don't really care, could have been some weird old dude.
Maybe I'm just tired of worrying about doing something wrong. I'm always worried that I'll act wrongly, or that I have. I can turn it off, but suddenly it will pop up again. "Oh that was weird, I'm sorry" Or that I'm sorry for being me and I'll do my best to stop wrecking the whole world. How do you even begin to unravel the feeling that you're ruining everyone else's experience?
this could have all been a rant on how carpet lint is just so beautiful and amazing and have you ever really looked at it *cry*...so yeah I am going to blame the sodas I had still, because I feel things have been fairly even for me lately. Its like a delayed hellish reaction or something.
thank goodness my boss is back tomorrow and can point out things that I could have waited to do until after mother's day. no one seems to realize I don't know what I'm doing because I learn pretty fast, but some things just need experience. also I don't like being stressed, if I wasn't majorly against drinking...I would probably be dead from trying to drown stress with alcohol. instead I'll go and see if spiders will fall on my head or two creeper things will find me one after another right next to my house. stupid bomb cactus.
