food I don't tollerate or something.

[demakat]

Sooo. I have been reading the internet and now I know what indigestion is. It's where I feel like I'm going to be sick after I eat something. Something containing a lot of flour! YAY(not yay) I make these giant cookies that take up one of our cast iron skillets, and after eating a triangle of it I would feel sick (these things are giant and amazing, which I why I eat it even though it makes me feel bad). It is unlikely any of the other ingredients, because I have and do eat them separately without any issues like this. But I don't generally just eat a ton of flour in one go.

The only thing that doesn't stand up against this logic is rolls. I will eat a roll at work sometimes and I don't notice such a dramatic icky feeling.

But I've never really not eaten wheat. I want to try and see if it helps with everything in general, like just stopping eating dairy to try and see. Then I get all tried, or tired and hungry and failure. Partially because who wants to not have pancakes, or uh...things. Cookies? Cake.

I managed to make quinoa flour at home from regular quinoa. That we have. Because no one ever eats it... As a thing to eat I really don't like quinoa, but as a flour it's not horrible. It's just annoying and I feel like I don't have the time I need to try this out like I did with milk. I had to explain myself so much, and my mom still don't really understand completely. She doesn't care so much though, because she is eating paleo. Meaning that all of our pans are coated in coconut oil all the time because OMG isn't is awesome! :D (no. it makes me feel like hell actually.) So that as a way of eating to follow is kind of out because I can't have their two main fats (butter and coconut oil) and not everything needs bacon grease...and I pretend I can't make bacon at home.

Also I'm realizing I don't love food. I just sort of like food. I like that it makes me stop feeling hungry. I like that it sometimes makes me feel less tired. I like that often it tastes good. I think the only thing that I can still eat that I am passionate about is pork shoulder. Ellen made it and the whole house smelled like the "taste of bread" and the smell of bacon. And then eating it was just as amazing. I can not eat pork shoulder forever.


This didn't really do anywhere...I just sort of made words about things and now I have to sleep. Or suddenly have my brain go into a loop about how I'm a toxic person to other people the same way one friend is negative for me sometimes, and feel guilty and then spend a long time probably apologizing or refraining from apologizing because that's not normal to apologize for imagined things. If I'm being a turd I hope people tell me. :c