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Manged to walk into an almost fight my parents were going to have with my brother about him paying them back money. My mom tried to be concise about it. That she had expectations because of how she would personally handle the situation and she was disappointed that wasn't what he was doing. But instead of stopping there and letting him just deal with that info, she then kept revisiting it and re talking about it. I distinctly remember being little and being told I was making it worse and both of us (whoever I was little kid fighting with) needed to just quit it. Wow wonder where we learned that behavior from MOM? I tried to point this out while my brother was there, like resaying what my mom said about being disappointed - that this part was good and she should have just let it be- but then my brother chimed in and my dad made his usual well timed appearance to look around at everyone and then be loud as well.

Then I got in my car and didn't make it to the end of the street before I started to get freaked out at my hands. ... migraine aura...


My auras have always started similarly. I will catch a glimpse of my hands, which I am of course use to seeing, and it will be kind of trippy. Not that I really know, but it looks weird. What is happening is that some part of my vision is gone and my eyes are trying to make up for the gap, but I still briefly see it. Sometimes I completely lose peripheral vision. This is when I normally swear a ton and make a dive for the advil. Then anything can happen. I usually get glittery bits where my vision had been gone but now is back, and then my hand, arm or face could all go numb on the opposite side as I'm going to be in pain. More severe things rarely happen....

Rarely, is the upsetting word here. I haven't had a for realzies migraine in a really long time. Not like this.
Really what is likely happening is hormone regression. I don't even know if that's a thing, but it's what it seems like.

So last time I went to the doctor she asked me if the meds she has me on is even helping with weight loss. I told her I didn't really know because I started taking her stuff the same time I made an effort to cut out dairy. Hives stopped, and I lost quite a lot of weight. So this summer I was having a hard time getting to the pharmacy before it closed and I just never renewed my prescription.

My weight loss stagnated, but this had happened before. Though it was weird considering how summer time active I was being.

For those just joining us, I have Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndom, probably. The important part for this explanation is that it is often coupled with insulin resistance. The body gets sugar, makes insulin (either for it or with it, whatever) and then your body is able to use it. Yay. Accept with the insulin resistance, my body craves energy and so I eat something and it makes insulin. My body doesn't really know what to do with it. Like playing legos and getting a box full of random knex pieces and finding a lego bit in there sometimes... Not efficient. All the while you're asking someone to bring you more legos. You just keep getting more boxes of random bits.

SO the meds help my body use the sugar/insulin better. Ideally it quits asking for so much sugar, which it did. It lets my body work more like it's suppose to and I tend to lose weight easier. Losing weight is hard for people with PCOS and it's really easy to gain because my body doesn't actually use much of it.

I went off the stuff because I wanted to know if it was just the dairy screwing me up or not. I feel like I've failed, but if I'm broken even if I don't have any sugar at all that doesn't quite help the situation. It's not so much that I'm playing with legos, it's that I can't actually build anything with them until I can get more pieces at a time.

The fact that I've been super craving sugary everything with the past month or two. That I'm breaking out on my face way more than I have in a really long time. The super emo-time I've been having and now the migraines which weren't an issue at all before my experiment... makes me think that if I keep going everything will go back to the way it was nearly 2 years ago.

I guess I was just hoping to figure my puzzle out by myself and that doesn't seem to be what will happen. It's just that I'm broken and right now my options seem to be giantly fat or normal but having to take stuff.

I get to see the christmas carol tomorrow. It's also my late start day at work.
Have to super lint roller my coat and find my nice scarf. I need to check about rain as well, because if it's suppose to be dry out I'll wear my sparkle shoes as well!
oh...facebook got all creepertown again too. I can see HOW people are viewing facebook. Mobile vs web...which I guess is nice for some things, but also sort of really creepy.

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