(no subject)

[demakat]

In case anyone was wondering, here is how this costume came about...

So I got an email from our marketer at work. It had this image.

It reminded her of the little doodles I do at work and put on our cork board.
The image made me kind of cry because I feel disconnected from other people. Like I'll never really find anyone who wants to be with me. I try to tell myself that I won't be alone forever, but it hasn't worked yet and usually I end up sad.





"The rest of the story is that I had someone I was quite infatuated with, to the point of wanting to be friends with them even though they didn’t seem to want to date me.

He hasn’t talked to me in two or more weeks.

I completed the quest, but it doesn’t seem to be working."

...My mom wasn't being insensitive but I was heading out for a pumpkin carving party and she asked me if Louis was going to be there. I told her no, that I hadn't talked to him in a long time.
Thankfully it was on the southside of the city because I cried on the way there.

The stupid part is that it wouldn't have worked out anyhow.
I'm not at all like what he seems to want in a girlfriend. He would probably say something about how I'm wrong. But all I have to go on is my own observations because it's not like he ever shared anything like that with me.
I don't like going out to things all of the time, and it seems like he does. But again what he said and what he was doing were two different things.
I didn't really understand a lot of his jokes. I just didn't understand why it was funny. I feel dumb when I can't participate in this sort of joking, but I just never understood things like yo mama jokes, or dead baby jokes. His were not of those categories, but similar ones.

I'm just so disappointed. I thought maybe I would have someone who could play with me eventually without getting terribly injured. I liked having someone to be sassy with on a regular basis and smiling about stupid exchanges that made me laugh.

I wanted more hugs. I don't ever remember hugs from other people feeling that good. Granted I tend not to remember beyond a year or so, but they were disarmingly comfortable. I've hugged someone since then, a lady at work who was sad about her daughter moving away, and it was awkward for me even though I feel it helped her. It wasn't the same sort of comfortable.

For a while it just felt good and fun. Now I feel sad in sudden bursts when I don't want to.

and I'm crying on my cactus hoodie.

I have things going on, and projects I'm working on. That can't occupy all of my time though. Sometimes the building logo that changes colors is purple at night on the way home after a long day.