Letters and things.

I just finished writing a letter to a pen pal from one of those "hey sign me up" things. I got a letter from him in march and then I... it is probably still buried next to me on this desk. It's really weird to realize that I was in a chaotic funk thing, because normally I notice when I'm IN it. From what I hear of it I could probably say I was suffering burnout at my previous job. Like grinding my face slowly into the ground and insisting that no this is fine. This is just how it is. You'll make it. It felt like high school, and then college, until it felt worse. I've always been one of those just get through it things.

Along with this I kept insisting that I needed more alone time. My mom said I just needed to get out and do things with more people. I was coming home, eating dinner and going to bed so I could get up early enough to get to work on time. Because commuting is evil, especially at an hour+ each way. So with this new job I get home within 40 minutes of leaving the office. I have time in the morning to make breakfast and pack a lunch, eat the breakfast and stare at my phone. It's completely surreal A LOT of the time still. I don't have to get up at 4:30am anymore, so I can go to bed later, meaning I can DO THINGS after work. And not just 1 thing (dinner or shower, choose wisely!), I can do like 2 or three things AND get to bed on time! Turns out I know me better.

Also a good indicator that I'm feeling better than I have in years: I'm writing here, at all, anywhere. I feel like drawing sometimes. I'm making things and not feeling like crying. I made a christmas card happen AND I got it sent out. I'm considering looking for activity classes like yoga or something because I have the free time and I need to move more than back and forth from my car to the house/office. I have time to do that!

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Still scrolling through tumblr now and then. I ended up clicking through to someone else's blog and they're a furry, badger. Not sure how people are wording that now-adays... So I followed them. For maybe a day, who knows how this BS will all go down. It made me think though that I very gently was part of the furry community. I don't really have any friends who are furries in real life, and it kind of mirrors everything else I've ever done. I never did do skateboards or rollerblades or whatever, but I was super influenced by the clothing styles and whatever. My only sadness in life is that I'm too hourglass shaped for men's cargo shorts to feel comfortable to wear. I am wearing vans again even though I hate them, because they're the only hightops that work with my "ankle" length black slacks for work. Actual little booties are cute, but ha ha wide feet make that a no. (I can hear someone "but they come in wide" yes but not in triangle. I am the magical combo of high instep and wide that makes me hard to knock over and grumpy about shoes). Shoe tangent aside my tendencies interest me, as well as people who are more deeply into the things I have passing...joy? in.

It also makes me wonder if I got embarrassed by the furry community and didn't let myself know, and now I'm coming out the other side of that with a fuck-it whatever. I certainly draw more when I let it be okay that they're not "real people" nobody cares but me, and I'm the one drawing. No wonder I stopped enjoying myself.

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My dad finally discovered pandora and so now under my room, in the garage, is his swamp rock station. So I'm getting some nice blues and other things.

I think I'm going to make myself more coffee and avoid cleaning by finishing presents..probably. Might be the other way around too.