fight like the sun

( flailing and weepy bits about money and shit )

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I saw a poem someone wrote about badgers, when I was looking up their meaning.

I really didn't like most of the poem, but there was one single line that is everything.

"Fight like the sun."

I will battle until the end of the world, when we are all consumed. Even against myself.

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I hope someday I can find someone who can play fight with me and I won't have to be afraid of hurting them. To trust someone enough and then have them also be hardy enough to deflect me until I learn to be more gentle, that will be hard to find.

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I'm glad I took a mental health day from work. I didn't know I was going to, but getting tires took so long I just called off because the lead guy said he would be okay by himself.
There are so many things I should be doing as a responsible adult, but I don't want to. I just want to cry and to stop feeling ill and to play games on the computer that are mindless and fun at the same time.

I want a hug too, but those are harder to come by. My youngest sister is the only one home. I don't hate her, but I also don't trust her.