(no subject)
Aug. 14th, 2012 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatI thought after weekend I would feel different, but no. See the guy at work again and still totally into him.
I feel dumb, for feeling embarrassed about liking someone. Yet I can not help feeling embarrassed. I'm more afraid someone will make fun of me than I am wondering if he likes me back or is even single.
I got told when I was younger that sometimes animals keep making themselves known in our lives because we need to learn something from them.
Over the past few weeks my car keeps getting buzzed by dragonflies when I'm stopped in traffic. I keep seeing them everywhere flying around. I was at lunch today and feeling kind of crappy because I'd just got done horrible awkwarding words at the guy I like. Wasn't feeling very hungry and was looking at trees...and there are more dragonflies.
simple dragonfly totem thing "Dragonfly brings the light and color of transformation into your life."
yeah...it seems to.
I thought about it last night as well. I considered all the extreme things. That everything works out awesomely, he does like me and I get the job I'm going for. Everything working out crappy, he is married/dedicated to someone and I don't get the job I'm trying to get and stay where I am. Or what seems to be happening, nothing at all, we are in limbo and I have a date/time for my interview and I just have to work and wait. Maybe this is teaching me to wait. I am so bad at being patient when I can't see what the goal is. I could always do it with my siblings because I knew the pattern and the outcome. With this I know nothing for sure and I have to learn to accept not knowing. But my brain seems wired and frantic to find a solution when I don't even really know what the "problem" is. Its like I have a scenario machine in there and I can think of every possible outcome ever...while I wait because I'm bored.
What I should do is get to work on my knitting shit. Bust out the netflix and watch some things while I finish the blanket. I can feel the weather changing here and I am so pleased. I know many people like winter but I am much to in love with blankets and hoodies to like weather where everything is sticky just because its alive.
I feel dumb, for feeling embarrassed about liking someone. Yet I can not help feeling embarrassed. I'm more afraid someone will make fun of me than I am wondering if he likes me back or is even single.
I got told when I was younger that sometimes animals keep making themselves known in our lives because we need to learn something from them.
Over the past few weeks my car keeps getting buzzed by dragonflies when I'm stopped in traffic. I keep seeing them everywhere flying around. I was at lunch today and feeling kind of crappy because I'd just got done horrible awkwarding words at the guy I like. Wasn't feeling very hungry and was looking at trees...and there are more dragonflies.
simple dragonfly totem thing "Dragonfly brings the light and color of transformation into your life."
yeah...it seems to.
I thought about it last night as well. I considered all the extreme things. That everything works out awesomely, he does like me and I get the job I'm going for. Everything working out crappy, he is married/dedicated to someone and I don't get the job I'm trying to get and stay where I am. Or what seems to be happening, nothing at all, we are in limbo and I have a date/time for my interview and I just have to work and wait. Maybe this is teaching me to wait. I am so bad at being patient when I can't see what the goal is. I could always do it with my siblings because I knew the pattern and the outcome. With this I know nothing for sure and I have to learn to accept not knowing. But my brain seems wired and frantic to find a solution when I don't even really know what the "problem" is. Its like I have a scenario machine in there and I can think of every possible outcome ever...while I wait because I'm bored.
What I should do is get to work on my knitting shit. Bust out the netflix and watch some things while I finish the blanket. I can feel the weather changing here and I am so pleased. I know many people like winter but I am much to in love with blankets and hoodies to like weather where everything is sticky just because its alive.
