being upset and being sad that I'm upset?
Jul. 29th, 2012 09:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatall sorts of confusing is happening, for me anyhow.
There is that "Hell Yes!" concept, I forget where I originally saw it, where you don't say yes to anything that doesn't illicit a "Hell Yes!" from you.
At work, most of the guys are much more of a 'yeah sure'. If they were interested in me I would try dating them. But we just got a new assistant manager in grocery and that guy is so hell yes I didn't even see it coming. I was trying to explain it to one of my friends and she casually said "kind of like heeey I'd hit that" and I nearly shouted YES! at her...I just loudly said "yes, like that!"
Enter the confusing part. This doesn't normally happen.
I don't know if its his mannerisms or what. I don't really understand, because even in comparison to the supervisor from my old job this guy is more of a hell yes. Its not even me realizing he is good looking, because there are some guys at this store that are distinctly good looking. I can see that and I don't really care. Its like how some women go all crazy for brad pitt, meh.
So. Now I am upset because....I don't really ...want to pursue him and make myself feel foolish. I don't want to be the weird desperate girl. I don't want anything at all to be weird between me or anyone else in the store. I don't want anyone to know because people in general are horrible gossips. I am afraid of everything.
My friend has a dog she adopted that was abused and so he will do this avoidance looking, where he isn't really looking at you but he is, just in case something bad happens. I do the same thing with guys I like. I like you so I'm going to go hide in this corner because I know you might be in the building, and I might maybe at some point embarrass myself in your vicinity or even in front of you. Then I would die. I don't want to die so I'm going to hide far far away from you and just enjoy the fact that I did get to see you that one time and you were sooo cute and nice. (/crazy) Thankfully I manage to not do any of that and pretend to act like a normal person. I still can't really look people in the face though.
I was walking to my car in the neighborhood after work and passed him walking in to work, but he was wearing sunglasses and my brain refused to give me a definite about it really being him. He said hi to me and I said hi back and we passed each other. But as I was crossing the street (and looking both ways so as not to get killed because its a crosswalk in the middle of the damn street) I noticed he had stopped and was leaning up against the fence. I didn't think he was smoking which is the only reason to really stop there. Plus there are tables and chairs outside that he could have loitered in. So now I just feel more crazy and that my brain is making up things and I have to keep telling it to shut up that no one likes me like that. If I give it any leeway at all it wheedles in a "well yes, but maaaaybe". No! Also its retail and I've discovered that many of the girls are just out for any guy that is even remotely cute, so I'm sure people will be all over him soon.
I'm pretty sure the main signmaker can read people and knows I like him, but maybe not. I think the signmaker is somewhat thrown off by me. There is only so much normal I can display before I start holding pens in my mouth and claiming to be half a walrus. Also my hair is curly, I suspect this of effecting my brain somehow.
If I was ever in doubt, I am an introvert. all these feels are making me tired. I wish I could just be all "hey you're cute, want to date? y or n?" and just get it over with. Instead I will probably (hopefully because it pays more yay paying off debts faster) go to a different store before anything at all happens. thus saving myself of dying from potential embarrassment.
There is that "Hell Yes!" concept, I forget where I originally saw it, where you don't say yes to anything that doesn't illicit a "Hell Yes!" from you.
At work, most of the guys are much more of a 'yeah sure'. If they were interested in me I would try dating them. But we just got a new assistant manager in grocery and that guy is so hell yes I didn't even see it coming. I was trying to explain it to one of my friends and she casually said "kind of like heeey I'd hit that" and I nearly shouted YES! at her...I just loudly said "yes, like that!"
Enter the confusing part. This doesn't normally happen.
I don't know if its his mannerisms or what. I don't really understand, because even in comparison to the supervisor from my old job this guy is more of a hell yes. Its not even me realizing he is good looking, because there are some guys at this store that are distinctly good looking. I can see that and I don't really care. Its like how some women go all crazy for brad pitt, meh.
So. Now I am upset because....I don't really ...want to pursue him and make myself feel foolish. I don't want to be the weird desperate girl. I don't want anything at all to be weird between me or anyone else in the store. I don't want anyone to know because people in general are horrible gossips. I am afraid of everything.
My friend has a dog she adopted that was abused and so he will do this avoidance looking, where he isn't really looking at you but he is, just in case something bad happens. I do the same thing with guys I like. I like you so I'm going to go hide in this corner because I know you might be in the building, and I might maybe at some point embarrass myself in your vicinity or even in front of you. Then I would die. I don't want to die so I'm going to hide far far away from you and just enjoy the fact that I did get to see you that one time and you were sooo cute and nice. (/crazy) Thankfully I manage to not do any of that and pretend to act like a normal person. I still can't really look people in the face though.
I was walking to my car in the neighborhood after work and passed him walking in to work, but he was wearing sunglasses and my brain refused to give me a definite about it really being him. He said hi to me and I said hi back and we passed each other. But as I was crossing the street (and looking both ways so as not to get killed because its a crosswalk in the middle of the damn street) I noticed he had stopped and was leaning up against the fence. I didn't think he was smoking which is the only reason to really stop there. Plus there are tables and chairs outside that he could have loitered in. So now I just feel more crazy and that my brain is making up things and I have to keep telling it to shut up that no one likes me like that. If I give it any leeway at all it wheedles in a "well yes, but maaaaybe". No! Also its retail and I've discovered that many of the girls are just out for any guy that is even remotely cute, so I'm sure people will be all over him soon.
I'm pretty sure the main signmaker can read people and knows I like him, but maybe not. I think the signmaker is somewhat thrown off by me. There is only so much normal I can display before I start holding pens in my mouth and claiming to be half a walrus. Also my hair is curly, I suspect this of effecting my brain somehow.
If I was ever in doubt, I am an introvert. all these feels are making me tired. I wish I could just be all "hey you're cute, want to date? y or n?" and just get it over with. Instead I will probably (hopefully because it pays more yay paying off debts faster) go to a different store before anything at all happens. thus saving myself of dying from potential embarrassment.
