thinking about things.
Jul. 9th, 2014 09:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatI can't do anything about invitations for my friend's wedding shower until I get a guest list. We'll just hope that the mail doesn't take an entire week to get anywhere like I know it does.
Problem is my brain won't let it go, so I am having a hard time moving on to other things I need to do for this. It also doesn't help that the whole week is majorly screwed up. Inventory was sunday night into monday morning and now all this week I'm at a different store helping out while someone is on vacation. I completed making all the invitations yesterday night at another friend's house and stayed on her couch because it was too late to drive home without fear of falling asleep while I drove. So this is the first night in a while I get to sleep in my own bed at a reasonable time.
It also means that I'm tired and my brain just won't function properly.
I had thought that I figured out what direction to point the rocketship indecision, but then when I explained it to Ellen everything seemed very abstract and mildly incoherent.
My main problem seems to be that I feel I'm obscenely lazy. I could have a web design business and be sending in my artwork for publication or whatever it is ambitious people do. Am I hindered by wanting less out of life? I don't want fame, or tons of money, or even a house really. I like working for other people because it means I'm of use to them, but there are other ways I can be of use. People can gain joy or personal insight from art. They could gain these things from my art. I guess the reasons that I do art, aren't the same that I hear from others. I keep coming back to that point. Why does it matter what my reasons are, if my main joy in life is to be of use.
My mom pointed out that I like to do things on my own time, and that this can be considered controlling. That when things aren't on my own special time I become upset and annoyed. I countered that while this is true, it's also helped me to be incredibly mature when I pair it with patience. There are a lot of times I feel at least inconvenienced by other people, but I go along with what they're asking me to do anyhow.
It's 9:30. If I manage to sleep until my alarm I could get 9 hours of sleep. Amazing.
Problem is my brain won't let it go, so I am having a hard time moving on to other things I need to do for this. It also doesn't help that the whole week is majorly screwed up. Inventory was sunday night into monday morning and now all this week I'm at a different store helping out while someone is on vacation. I completed making all the invitations yesterday night at another friend's house and stayed on her couch because it was too late to drive home without fear of falling asleep while I drove. So this is the first night in a while I get to sleep in my own bed at a reasonable time.
It also means that I'm tired and my brain just won't function properly.
I had thought that I figured out what direction to point the rocketship indecision, but then when I explained it to Ellen everything seemed very abstract and mildly incoherent.
My main problem seems to be that I feel I'm obscenely lazy. I could have a web design business and be sending in my artwork for publication or whatever it is ambitious people do. Am I hindered by wanting less out of life? I don't want fame, or tons of money, or even a house really. I like working for other people because it means I'm of use to them, but there are other ways I can be of use. People can gain joy or personal insight from art. They could gain these things from my art. I guess the reasons that I do art, aren't the same that I hear from others. I keep coming back to that point. Why does it matter what my reasons are, if my main joy in life is to be of use.
My mom pointed out that I like to do things on my own time, and that this can be considered controlling. That when things aren't on my own special time I become upset and annoyed. I countered that while this is true, it's also helped me to be incredibly mature when I pair it with patience. There are a lot of times I feel at least inconvenienced by other people, but I go along with what they're asking me to do anyhow.
It's 9:30. If I manage to sleep until my alarm I could get 9 hours of sleep. Amazing.
