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Nov. 27th, 2013 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatI made sprinkle pancakes and wore my cactus hoodie to work. Little disappointed with how the day went. I also seem to be getting sad about not being a people person. There isn't any reason to be upset about it, because I do have friends. Somewhere in this mire there is rising self doubt...
Surprisingly dealing with orders went really smoothly. It seems like the manager of prep foods doesn't really panic about things, and neither does his main assistant manager. It's kind of a nice change from dealing with a workplace where people over react a whole lot.
I'm a little annoyed that I feel attracted to people as well. I really wish I could act like myself instead of a deaf and possibly idiotic version of myself. It doesn't help that most of my hearing seems to come from reading people's lips. I can hear, but words apparently are done in a much more visual manner than it seems most people "hear". Plus I always feel super out of the loop because I don't drink or party. Like someone's grandma...who happens to work at a grocery store.
There is something cigarettes and alcohol about the service industry that goes from BAD-restaurant/chef to okay-high end retail. It's some sort of weird brothers in arms feeling. It's a war where we know if we stay too long, none of us will make it out alive. Like those Diner ladies that call people Hon'. They'll work the same place for years, going home to come back again the next day. That's as good as it gets.
I talked briefly with a friend at work about feeling like our abilities and strengths are wasted where we are. I can do any job in the store so long as someone is willing so show me how. I would think that this is common, that in general the level of intelligence is such that with training anyone can do any job. That isn't the case. So while I seem amazing among those who can't seem to do "simple" tasks with adequate training, I am not being challenged. I become the smartest person among the average and instead of pushing myself I stagnate.
It's this that puts me in my current situation. I don't feel like I am special at anything in particular. But I can also feel myself stagnating.
Really, this is sort of what I asked for. I would tell my mom and other people that I just wanted a job I could go to and then come home from. I suppose now that I currently have that, instead of asking a job to push me I need to do that for myself. And not new things, because I know so many already, but deeper into the things I already know. I haven't worked on long term drawings in so long.
I'm going to say all this and then I know already that it's awesome ginger ale and pokemon till I get tired.
tomorrow is thanksgiving and I kind of don't care. I can't really eat most of the things I use to like. I use to live for pumpkin pie, but even the dairy free ones substitute for palm or coconut oil. There just isn't a good way to get the consistency without one of those two things. Maybe I'll get up early and bake pumpkin cookies.
[edit]: my bad. what I really meant was ginger ale and dubstep till I went to bed. sorry pokemon :c
foxsky - the whip (VASS remix)
I apparently party alone. If I dance in your vicinity, for real dance, consider yourself blessed. Only one person has had that bestowed upon them so far, and fittingly it was for their wedding. Oh what a club DJ can do.
Surprisingly dealing with orders went really smoothly. It seems like the manager of prep foods doesn't really panic about things, and neither does his main assistant manager. It's kind of a nice change from dealing with a workplace where people over react a whole lot.
I'm a little annoyed that I feel attracted to people as well. I really wish I could act like myself instead of a deaf and possibly idiotic version of myself. It doesn't help that most of my hearing seems to come from reading people's lips. I can hear, but words apparently are done in a much more visual manner than it seems most people "hear". Plus I always feel super out of the loop because I don't drink or party. Like someone's grandma...who happens to work at a grocery store.
There is something cigarettes and alcohol about the service industry that goes from BAD-restaurant/chef to okay-high end retail. It's some sort of weird brothers in arms feeling. It's a war where we know if we stay too long, none of us will make it out alive. Like those Diner ladies that call people Hon'. They'll work the same place for years, going home to come back again the next day. That's as good as it gets.
I talked briefly with a friend at work about feeling like our abilities and strengths are wasted where we are. I can do any job in the store so long as someone is willing so show me how. I would think that this is common, that in general the level of intelligence is such that with training anyone can do any job. That isn't the case. So while I seem amazing among those who can't seem to do "simple" tasks with adequate training, I am not being challenged. I become the smartest person among the average and instead of pushing myself I stagnate.
It's this that puts me in my current situation. I don't feel like I am special at anything in particular. But I can also feel myself stagnating.
Really, this is sort of what I asked for. I would tell my mom and other people that I just wanted a job I could go to and then come home from. I suppose now that I currently have that, instead of asking a job to push me I need to do that for myself. And not new things, because I know so many already, but deeper into the things I already know. I haven't worked on long term drawings in so long.
I'm going to say all this and then I know already that it's awesome ginger ale and pokemon till I get tired.
tomorrow is thanksgiving and I kind of don't care. I can't really eat most of the things I use to like. I use to live for pumpkin pie, but even the dairy free ones substitute for palm or coconut oil. There just isn't a good way to get the consistency without one of those two things. Maybe I'll get up early and bake pumpkin cookies.
[edit]: my bad. what I really meant was ginger ale and dubstep till I went to bed. sorry pokemon :c
foxsky - the whip (VASS remix)
I apparently party alone. If I dance in your vicinity, for real dance, consider yourself blessed. Only one person has had that bestowed upon them so far, and fittingly it was for their wedding. Oh what a club DJ can do.
