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Dec. 7th, 2012 07:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
demakatI had the first migraine I can remember since I started eliminating dairy, and then palm oil from my diet. It seems my suspicions about having bad reactions to soy (I usually felt sick after eating it) are correct. The miso soup from wednesday is the only thing I had that I don't normally have. I felt kind of sick after eating it, but last night and this morning was pretty shitty.
It does have a nice side effect however, the migraine. I'm forced to reduce my movements and often my thinking to right in the moment. It's like looking at a small spot and seeing all the world in it.
I've been telling my brain lately. "It would be nice if poetry happened. I would like that." But I'm not forcing it because before now it just happened, words just made themselves into things I thought were nifty and I was just there to write them down. The last time it happened was when I was in the start of college, mostly before I started playing world of warcraft. It makes me even more pleased that I stopped playing, I might never have come back to this. I told a friend that it was starting to get scary because words keep happening all over the place now, like its been just as patient, waiting for me to open the door again. I don't think I even care if any of it is good.
As far as I know I made up a word today, for a poem. I can do that, other famous writers did so, I can do it too. I have a little voice that sounds like one friend who has a degree in english, it tells me that words really mean something other than how I'm using them. This friend has actually said that about the title of something I happened to like. Now I hear it every time about any sort of words I make as an art. Maybe I learned from art so well that it doesn't really ever get more than a tiny voice, one I can acknowledge and then dismiss. I am afraid to write poems because; I am doing it "wrong", someone will tell me they are crappy when I feel they are not bad, I run out, I repeat myself too much, I get stuck in one rhythm and don't branch out.
Making signs at work has been hard for me lately. It feels like everything I draw on the chalk boards is horrible, or just off enough to be a bother to other people. I asked the lead signmaker why that would be, and he said it could be because for such a large area (22"x28" most often) you can get surprisingly little into that space. Yet if you design a poster on the computer or even with a pencil, you can get so many more things crammed into it without it looking bunched together.
It does have a nice side effect however, the migraine. I'm forced to reduce my movements and often my thinking to right in the moment. It's like looking at a small spot and seeing all the world in it.
I've been telling my brain lately. "It would be nice if poetry happened. I would like that." But I'm not forcing it because before now it just happened, words just made themselves into things I thought were nifty and I was just there to write them down. The last time it happened was when I was in the start of college, mostly before I started playing world of warcraft. It makes me even more pleased that I stopped playing, I might never have come back to this. I told a friend that it was starting to get scary because words keep happening all over the place now, like its been just as patient, waiting for me to open the door again. I don't think I even care if any of it is good.
As far as I know I made up a word today, for a poem. I can do that, other famous writers did so, I can do it too. I have a little voice that sounds like one friend who has a degree in english, it tells me that words really mean something other than how I'm using them. This friend has actually said that about the title of something I happened to like. Now I hear it every time about any sort of words I make as an art. Maybe I learned from art so well that it doesn't really ever get more than a tiny voice, one I can acknowledge and then dismiss. I am afraid to write poems because; I am doing it "wrong", someone will tell me they are crappy when I feel they are not bad, I run out, I repeat myself too much, I get stuck in one rhythm and don't branch out.
Making signs at work has been hard for me lately. It feels like everything I draw on the chalk boards is horrible, or just off enough to be a bother to other people. I asked the lead signmaker why that would be, and he said it could be because for such a large area (22"x28" most often) you can get surprisingly little into that space. Yet if you design a poster on the computer or even with a pencil, you can get so many more things crammed into it without it looking bunched together.
