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that weird summer limbo
Jun. 30th, 2019 07:27 pmWork is a roller coaster of internal screaming. By the time I get something completed someone throws a new or old but for-no-reason newly important project in my lap. Plus for all the person who was just let go, said the person before them was a mess...they seem to have carried that on. There are files missing and things aren't organized. There are just folders labeled "desktop" filled with shit.
Heard nothing at all back from the library job. I can't really give up hope because they waited a month to even interview people, and a friend was all "oh libraries are kind of like that..." All this trying not to tip one way or the other until I have more information is getting exhausting feeling.
Came home one day from work and found that my mom did to the garden what I specifically asked her NOT to do at least three separate times. She was all about how oh it'll be fine and blah blah and plants and whatever. The next morning I got her to understand that it was nearly nothing at all to do with the physical garden, it was more about her doing the very specific thing I asked her not to. She was the one to bring up how she hadn't respected my boundaries, where as I was busy being upset that there is no real fixable thing to people not respecting your boundaries. Like okay yeah sure they get it and they're sorry, but it like...doesn't make it better?
I feel weird thinking that maybe my boundaries were always getting crossed and I was always being gently lied to because promises or "told" things would just meh slip away. It's got to be something like that because keeping promises to myself is something important to me now. I said we could do the thing, so we should do the thing even though I "don't care" about this. I did care, and I would still probably enjoy it.
Figured I should get on the school thing again if I really wanted to do the accounting stuff. And the motivation is gone. I will probably still do it anyhow, but I'm sad to find that there isn't much hope in that basket anymore.
A friend brought up how now that I know what the job titles are that aren't specifically graphic design I can look anywhere to do those, maybe a library somewhere else. I just don't know if I want to do that either.
So everything is in a weird summer limbo stage and I'm busy being angry at myself for being emotional even though it's totally valid. *throws confetti*
Heard nothing at all back from the library job. I can't really give up hope because they waited a month to even interview people, and a friend was all "oh libraries are kind of like that..." All this trying not to tip one way or the other until I have more information is getting exhausting feeling.
Came home one day from work and found that my mom did to the garden what I specifically asked her NOT to do at least three separate times. She was all about how oh it'll be fine and blah blah and plants and whatever. The next morning I got her to understand that it was nearly nothing at all to do with the physical garden, it was more about her doing the very specific thing I asked her not to. She was the one to bring up how she hadn't respected my boundaries, where as I was busy being upset that there is no real fixable thing to people not respecting your boundaries. Like okay yeah sure they get it and they're sorry, but it like...doesn't make it better?
I feel weird thinking that maybe my boundaries were always getting crossed and I was always being gently lied to because promises or "told" things would just meh slip away. It's got to be something like that because keeping promises to myself is something important to me now. I said we could do the thing, so we should do the thing even though I "don't care" about this. I did care, and I would still probably enjoy it.
Figured I should get on the school thing again if I really wanted to do the accounting stuff. And the motivation is gone. I will probably still do it anyhow, but I'm sad to find that there isn't much hope in that basket anymore.
A friend brought up how now that I know what the job titles are that aren't specifically graphic design I can look anywhere to do those, maybe a library somewhere else. I just don't know if I want to do that either.
So everything is in a weird summer limbo stage and I'm busy being angry at myself for being emotional even though it's totally valid. *throws confetti*
