![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Spent the day hanging out with people. First with my sister. We went grocery shopping even though I didn't need much. She is just getting past the 'weeee money' stage and ideally through the 'poor' period into hey all my bills are paid and I have a budget! Granted she's living on her own and I'm not, but she also likes to put everything on credit and we weren't really given a great grasp on money things beyond "If you have it spend it, if you don't - don't!" Thanks but uh that's not quite how everything works. My middle sister is slightly more crazed about money and so she has a better handle on things.
Anyway, then I went to a friend's office even though it's Sunday. She started a new job at a chamber of commerce for a neighborhood in the city. The office is kind of small, but also a mess. It's like whoever wanted to file something created a different filing system every single time and never got rid of a piece of furniture ever. There's three huge bread-box style printers and I don't even really know what's up with all the network cables and crap. She knows all this and is generally frustrated with the place. Plus she thinks that some of the members of the board are using it to get money for their businesses or something. It's possible that things aren't malicious but they're also not great. I hung out while she cleaned and organized stuff. We talked about how sometimes you surround yourself with the same type of people as you are, in this instance very responsible types, and so that is where your bar is set for both your own behavior and your expectations of others. Then you'll get a new job, or into a new group of people and run smack into someone who doesn't meet those standards at all and it's very confusing. For example they don't want to do something at work because "it's not fun". Uh no, work is generally not fun 100% of the time, that is why they pay you for your time. And while sometimes that attitude is forgivable in people in their early 20s it's not when you're in your 30s and beyond and still not doing work cause it's "not fun". Drove home through the city, which was very pretty and thankfully the football game people were still all well contained watching the game.
Cast-on for my new cowl while I was there. I want it to be amazing but I feel like there is so much shit brewing in me right now. I don't like it.
I reached out to a few people over the holidays and some of them never gave any response. I always feel like no response means I'm too annoying and they don't want to talk to me anymore. I know that there could be and probably are many other reasons, including "I forgot". I forget too, but I can't always get my brain to calm down and stop dramatically crying in the corner with logic. 'I am petting the cat, but it just keeps crying. I tried telling it that crying was not logical but it doesn't seem to be working...'
I'm pretty sure the open office plan at work is stressing me out too. I can't seem to block out everyone's phone calls and my hyper-awareness seems to zero in on them. Plus it's a phone culture, so if you need an answer for something you need to call them. I feel very exposed making calls in public. Everyone else can hear me, but not only can I not hear what I'm saying while I talk, also I have no visual cues from the other person to decide if what I'm saying is making any sense to them or not. Thankfully headphones are accepted in the office, though I should probably get some that people can tell I'm wearing. My eye twitch calms down when I can block out everything with headphones too, so that's good. I want to ask for time off at the end of the month as well. But I'm super new and it seems like it would be okay, but also it might not be. *flail*
Still considering getting my hair cut short again. I want to try getting a diva cut, which is just someone trained to cut my curly hair while dry and with confidence. I need to see about a consultation appointment cause I know what I want my hair to be able to do (like still tie back) but I don't know what that would really look like. All I'm finding are people with way more curl and texture than me, or way less. And then when I find stuff I like it's usually some sort of pixie cut thing with floppy bangs. Which this one woman at my last job had, but she was also tall and thin and artsy. I'm more like... beymax. Only much shorter. And like sure 'damn the man' & "I can wear my hair however I want!" but the nutty professor bedhead doesn't seem to work so well for women and I know I'm not going to treat it like a cool/funky/artsy accessory. I just really want it off my head...
Anyway, then I went to a friend's office even though it's Sunday. She started a new job at a chamber of commerce for a neighborhood in the city. The office is kind of small, but also a mess. It's like whoever wanted to file something created a different filing system every single time and never got rid of a piece of furniture ever. There's three huge bread-box style printers and I don't even really know what's up with all the network cables and crap. She knows all this and is generally frustrated with the place. Plus she thinks that some of the members of the board are using it to get money for their businesses or something. It's possible that things aren't malicious but they're also not great. I hung out while she cleaned and organized stuff. We talked about how sometimes you surround yourself with the same type of people as you are, in this instance very responsible types, and so that is where your bar is set for both your own behavior and your expectations of others. Then you'll get a new job, or into a new group of people and run smack into someone who doesn't meet those standards at all and it's very confusing. For example they don't want to do something at work because "it's not fun". Uh no, work is generally not fun 100% of the time, that is why they pay you for your time. And while sometimes that attitude is forgivable in people in their early 20s it's not when you're in your 30s and beyond and still not doing work cause it's "not fun". Drove home through the city, which was very pretty and thankfully the football game people were still all well contained watching the game.
Cast-on for my new cowl while I was there. I want it to be amazing but I feel like there is so much shit brewing in me right now. I don't like it.
I reached out to a few people over the holidays and some of them never gave any response. I always feel like no response means I'm too annoying and they don't want to talk to me anymore. I know that there could be and probably are many other reasons, including "I forgot". I forget too, but I can't always get my brain to calm down and stop dramatically crying in the corner with logic. 'I am petting the cat, but it just keeps crying. I tried telling it that crying was not logical but it doesn't seem to be working...'
I'm pretty sure the open office plan at work is stressing me out too. I can't seem to block out everyone's phone calls and my hyper-awareness seems to zero in on them. Plus it's a phone culture, so if you need an answer for something you need to call them. I feel very exposed making calls in public. Everyone else can hear me, but not only can I not hear what I'm saying while I talk, also I have no visual cues from the other person to decide if what I'm saying is making any sense to them or not. Thankfully headphones are accepted in the office, though I should probably get some that people can tell I'm wearing. My eye twitch calms down when I can block out everything with headphones too, so that's good. I want to ask for time off at the end of the month as well. But I'm super new and it seems like it would be okay, but also it might not be. *flail*
Still considering getting my hair cut short again. I want to try getting a diva cut, which is just someone trained to cut my curly hair while dry and with confidence. I need to see about a consultation appointment cause I know what I want my hair to be able to do (like still tie back) but I don't know what that would really look like. All I'm finding are people with way more curl and texture than me, or way less. And then when I find stuff I like it's usually some sort of pixie cut thing with floppy bangs. Which this one woman at my last job had, but she was also tall and thin and artsy. I'm more like... beymax. Only much shorter. And like sure 'damn the man' & "I can wear my hair however I want!" but the nutty professor bedhead doesn't seem to work so well for women and I know I'm not going to treat it like a cool/funky/artsy accessory. I just really want it off my head...
