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I picked up my tent
Aug. 6th, 2017 05:24 pmI think it was wednesday that I got asked to watch my friend's dogs starting the next day through Sunday morning. She had asked before but I forgot when, and then unknown to me the road trip they were taking had also been up in the air for a second. So I agree to do all the stuff and head to work.
I get a text from my sister before she left for work later in the day, that my dad had called my mom to come get him and that he was in lisle. What was obvious to all of us was that he was probably quitting his job. His bosses are generally abusive, and one of them has threatened him a few times before now. Including mangling the shovel my dad had been holding in a fit of rage...with a backhoe. Which had apparently happened again this time.
On friday my dad went to return his company truck, phone and keys to things. My mom had spent the last two days freaking out apparently, like full on panic attack style. I'm still not sure what happened there, but my dad has since asked his work if he could come back and is still determining if he will indeed go back. Though he doesn't want to.
All of this while I was at work and at my friend's house. Which is filled with it's own massive depression from major marital and personal issues.
It's so hard to deal with the fact that there is literally nothing I can do to make this better. I can not fix this. Yes we pay for most of our stuff, but all of us still depend on the house for somewhere to live. So we are all stuck in this perpetual limbo.
I kept my tent anyhow. I wonder if it's because it gives me that optional out I know isn't really viable. Reasonably I should have returned everything and hoarded the money. But I didn't.
what now? what now? what now?
I am taking a page from my sister's book and looking into get a part time job. Of course nothing is immediately useful to me time wise so that's kind of put a damper on things, though I did apply to one place already.
---
I don't understand why my brain keeps returning to a magical savior. Like someone will just swoop in, any minute...aaaany minute now... and save all of this, make it all better and we'll be able to live leisurely lives full of self interest projects. Where did this come from? It's always there, hiding out. The interrupting cow gag, it's never useful.
what now? what now? what now?
I get a text from my sister before she left for work later in the day, that my dad had called my mom to come get him and that he was in lisle. What was obvious to all of us was that he was probably quitting his job. His bosses are generally abusive, and one of them has threatened him a few times before now. Including mangling the shovel my dad had been holding in a fit of rage...with a backhoe. Which had apparently happened again this time.
On friday my dad went to return his company truck, phone and keys to things. My mom had spent the last two days freaking out apparently, like full on panic attack style. I'm still not sure what happened there, but my dad has since asked his work if he could come back and is still determining if he will indeed go back. Though he doesn't want to.
All of this while I was at work and at my friend's house. Which is filled with it's own massive depression from major marital and personal issues.
It's so hard to deal with the fact that there is literally nothing I can do to make this better. I can not fix this. Yes we pay for most of our stuff, but all of us still depend on the house for somewhere to live. So we are all stuck in this perpetual limbo.
I kept my tent anyhow. I wonder if it's because it gives me that optional out I know isn't really viable. Reasonably I should have returned everything and hoarded the money. But I didn't.
what now? what now? what now?
I am taking a page from my sister's book and looking into get a part time job. Of course nothing is immediately useful to me time wise so that's kind of put a damper on things, though I did apply to one place already.
---
I don't understand why my brain keeps returning to a magical savior. Like someone will just swoop in, any minute...aaaany minute now... and save all of this, make it all better and we'll be able to live leisurely lives full of self interest projects. Where did this come from? It's always there, hiding out. The interrupting cow gag, it's never useful.
what now? what now? what now?
